Saturday, November 3, 2007

Am I emotionally unavailable to God?

I've recently heard more people talk about this supernatural connection they feel to God. Something miraculous happens and it changes their life forever.

What about the people that don’t experience anything like that, why don’t I feel that? In my apologetic class last Monday night the teacher told a story about his cousin who was living in sadness and trying to find the “thing” that would make his life complete/worthwhile. He looked everywhere, including new age spiritualism, buddhism, even heroin but he finally came to the realization that Jesus Christ was the answer and miraculously he was done with heroin and began evangelizing. The teacher said it was because his cousin broke down and opened himself up to God emotionally.

Am I emotionally unavailable to God? I thought I was trusting him, but lately I think I’ve just been telling myself that and really holding everything in my control. I want to “let go and let god” as they say but I’m finding it difficult. I sometimes feel angry that I am in the middle of this spiritual battle. I keep thinking, I really wish I could find someone who has been where I am and can help lead me, but every time I get that thought I hear the holy spirit tell me, “that friend you are looking for is God, all you have to do is give in” - yet I still holdout. I’ve been discovering I hold out emotions to everyone, even myself.

I’m currently at a loss what to do about it.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Hebrews 11:6

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Whether you realize it or not, the fact that you are recognizing that you are emotionally unavailable to Him is a step towards becoming emotional available to Him. We are so afraid of complete surrender. It sounds so backwards, doesn't it? But, until we completely surrender to God (emotions and all), there will be that static that distracts us from hearing His voice. Even though we are at different places in our spiritual walk - you are not alone - I'm hearing a lot of static myself, and until I read your post, I didn't realize that I had pulled away emotionally from Him. Saying I trust Him, is not the same as actually trusting Him. The unknown of that 1st step, the fear of falling into the deepest pit, questioning "will He really catch me?" And is He alone really enough for me? Just Him??
We won't know, unless we take the risk, will we? Be encouraged. And if you fall - fall forward, toward Him. <: I Love you!