Tuesday, November 13, 2007

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away!

I have a rule that every blog entry has to end in a verse. I have something that is either on my mind or comes to me while I’m blogging then I do a search on biblegateway.com
I scroll through and pick which ever verse seems appropriate.

On the 3rd in my blogging I felt very discouraged about my relationship with god and even expressed some anger.

On the 7th I didn’t know what to write and I just kept thinking…..I need to really trust God or I will never feel satisfied with our relationship. So I searched biblegateway for “trust” and the verse god gave me was Psalms 32:10.

On the 10th my discouraged feelings were still there and getting worse, turning into anxiety. But I still didn’t give in trust God. I blogged again and when I searched biblegateway, this time it was for “mule” because I was being so stubborn. The verse God gave me was Psalms 32:9.

What the heck! I noticed that it was the verse right before the one in my last entry. Is God trying to tell me something?

Ok you’re not going to believe this, but I still pushed it off.

Last night I was so down, I checked out! I was supposed to go to my apologetic class and didn’t. I just didn’t want to interact with anyone. I kept feeling this nagging and decided I need to read the whole chapter of Psalms 32.

Holy Crap! It was God talking to ME, especially verses 3-5.

Psalm 32
1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah 6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. 7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. 10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. 11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

I’m definitely feeling better because I see now that what I have been feeling is “his hand HEAVY on me” and “my strength sapped”. I have a long way to go but I trust without doubt now. Now I’m starting to feel pride that I am In the middle of this spiritual battle because it means I am valuable. I’m grateful for all who have been and are praying for me.

I can be so hard headed. I think I'm gonna hang out it the Psalms for awhile.

The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic.
Psalm 29:4

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