Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Soon I will have the whole suit of armor on!

I am being renewed regarding what I believed were truths and what I am being shown are lies. I see that nearly every thought pattern I've had for a really long time has been based on a lie. Like what I believed made me valuable or believing that no one would ever really understand me or believing that few people if anyone was trustworthy, and that people would eventually hurt me so it was just expected and acceptable. These are some pretty BIG lies to face and some thick walls to break through. As I seek and find the biblical truths to combat the lies, everything will become clearer and I will be dead to sin.

Truths I have found:

Romans 6:6-7 says - knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin.

Christ death freed me - I am free! When negative thoughts or feelings come over me they are lies trying to distract me from the truth that I am free! Free to be peaceful, loving, joyful and helpful in all circumstances.

Luke 15:21-24 says - And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry.

This is the parable of the prodigal son. The truth is God is delights that I am found. He is excited, thrilled and throws parties for the lost who return. Feeling unworthy is expected but holding tight to it is a lie to keep me from coming closer, being intimate. I am a prodigal daughter ;) I am valuable because He values me!

Psalm 139:1-4 says - O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

This passage is usually used for the verses that follow, to show how intricately God has created us and how amazing it is. It truly is amazing but recently it was shown to me in a different way. Within the first 4 verses there are 7 words that describe how much God knows David. God knows us! Liken it to the person that know you best, that you trust, that you feel safest and most comfortable with - He knows us even MORE! Whenever I feel despair, afraid, tired, bored, joyful, successful or blessed, from one end of emotions to the other and everywhere in between God knows. He knows me, He is familiar with ALL my ways - I am known and understood!

1 John 5:18-20 say - And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us an understanding, that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life.

Jesus is truth! The more I seek the more I will be given understanding. I am working hard to put on my Belt of Truth. Soon I will have the whole suit of armor on :)

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Romans 8:15

Saturday, April 5, 2008

For what I do is not the good I want to do

In a chapter titled “Sharing our Hearts” in a book I'm reading, it references another book - “Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin’s Path to God”. This is an excerpt from that book….
“Is there anyone I can level with? Anyone I dare tell that I am benevolent and Malevolent, chaste and randy, compassionate and vindictive, selfless and selfish, that beneath my brave words lives a frightened child, that I dabble in religion and pornography, that I have blackened a friends character, betrayed trust, violated confidence, that I am tolerant and thoughtful, a bigot and a blowhard….?
Most of the time, that’s how I feel. And when I don’t feel like that, I fear I am being too proud.

I know accountability and community are vital, but those two words make me uncomfortable. Sharing is frightening. Will they judge too much, to the point of discouragement? Or maybe not enough and participate in my sin? Or do I respect them enough to accept correction from them?

The struggle between my spirit and flesh has been tiring lately! I’ve slipped and I don’t know why I am holding so tightly to not getting back up. I want to move forward.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Roman 7:15-20

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7