I worry that in moments where I don’t have anything going on that “in my point of view” is motion or action for change that I am slipping and that SCARES me because that’s what I have always done in the past. I’ve never been able to make it through the lull of life. I’ve always ended up altering my state of mind so the stillness was acceptable but in doing that, my life has become a life of mediocrity and I don’t want that anymore!
Ever since New Years Eve 2 Cor 12:9 has come up four times. One of the times I randomly pulled it out of the middle of my prayer cards, that’s when I really felt God was telling me something. But what, I didn’t understand, how does this apply to me? Sometimes I think I try to make things more then they are. Maybe God is just telling me exactly what it says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” nothing more, nothing less.
I’ve been listening to Spirit, the Christian station on my satellite radio. There's this song by Casting Crowns called “East to West”, it came on last Friday while I was driving home from work and I started crying. The beginning lyrics are:
“Here I am Lord and I'm drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness, The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest, I don't want to end up where You found me, And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight”
If I truly believe in God’s providence and I do, then I know that all these things are him speaking to me. I can’t set parameters on how God should talk to me I just need to pay attention so I can hear when he does and I need to learn not place importance on my feelings because they are not truth. I just need to rest in him and trust his timeline.
I think I am on the journey to learn patience and thankfully the Holy Spirit is working in me. It’s funny as I write this it just occurred to me that I prayed for God to shine a light on things that I need to change so I guess this is an answer to prayer. That's pretty cool ;)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
How can I be impatient for anything keeping in mind how patient God is and has been with me?
Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.
2 Pet 3:15