Sunday, September 16, 2007

I Quit Smoking

This is from my journal, entry date 07/13/07

I quit smoking 07/05/07 Thursday @ 10:00am’ish, the morning after 4th of July. I woke up and had three cigarettes in my pack. I smoked one on the way to work and two during a break at 10am, while I was smoking the last cigarette I thought to myself “this will be the last cigarette you smoke”.

Lunch came 12:00pm, which is the time I would smoke my next 3 cigarettes if I had any. I didn’t smoke and felt ok about it. My afternoon break 2:00pm, I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to bum a smoke from a friend. I was just about ready to ask for a cigarette when another friend said to me “you’re not smoking?”, I said “no” and he said “are you quitting?” and I said “yeah I think so” and that was that.

That night was painful. Kevin and I were watching TV and he was talking to me about what was on TV. I don’t know what was on or what he was talking about. I could hear noise but couldn’t discern any sounds. All I could think about was having a cigarette, I was obsessed.

When I woke up Friday morning I felt happy that hadn’t smoked but I felt like I couldn’t think straight. At work a non-smoking friend came by later in the day and I told him I quit because I knew he used to smoke and had quit. I asked him if it was easy for him and he began to tell me his testimony. Part of it was about how God took away his desire to smoke when he was filled with the Holy Spirit. He congratulated me for having quit and told me he would pray for me. The strangest thing happened, I had the most peaceful weekend I have had in a long time and I didn’t smoke. I still can’t figure it out, I haven’t felt that good in over 10yrs, I just had so much peace. I didn’t feel self conscious or worried or angry and I didn’t want to smoke.

It has become more of a struggle to keep that point of view but I’ve been spending a lot of time every day repeating things and changing the way I think so I can develop new ways of dealing with situations where I feel like I have to have a cigarette. Realizing I don’t and it’s really killing me. There’s no propaganda involved in not smoking campaigns it really is bad for me and will kill me!

Why is it so important to smoke? It’s really a raw deal. I added up all the money I spent on cigarettes since I started smoking I averaged $3/pack/10yrs = $10,950. So I spent that amount of money to have my life shortened, that’s just craziness!

No more! I am tired of being weak and a slave. Tired of thinking how will smoking fit into this situation? Will I be able to smoke where ever I’m going?

I thought it was mine and I loved it but I really love being free from it.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Yah hoo!! Yippy!!! This is such a huge deal, Crissy! Always remind yourself of this outstanding accomplishment! Huge, I say! BIG! GIGORMOUS! BUCA...Whatever that word I made up, that you remember I said in Boston or Florida!<:

I'm very proud of you!<: