The fast ended last night. It was a total of 48 hours. It’s interesting to see the dynamic between my flesh and my spirit. I’m stuck between feeling like I failed and feeling like it was a success. It definitely was a learning experience.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Fasting – Day 1 Completed
Matthew 6:16-18 talks about fasting and keeping it to your self. I think about this and wonder, is it wrong for me to talk about my experience? I feel peace with it because I am not saying “Woes is me, I am fasting, I’m starving and wasting away”. I just want to share and maybe encourage.
I bought a juicer and had three glasses of fresh juice & about three liters of water. It was a tough day. I had pretty much decided last night that I would be eating today. I resigned myself to the fact that this was way harder then I expected. I told myself this was just a practice run. I will try again next week or next month.
When I woke up this morning I felt pretty good, Kevin and I took a nice long walk and decided to persevere. Right now one day doesn’t seem like enough. I feel like if I quit now I would be missing something, the experience wouldn’t be complete.
It’s a strange thing to deny the flesh especially when most decisions have been driven by fleshly desires. I have found in not eating that I am presented with this empty feeling not just in my belly but emotionally. I see with more clarity the abundance of distractions that I am presented with on a daily basis. I was given some good advice by my Aunt Donna, "don't be unaware of satan's tricks (2 Corinthians 2:11). When we can step back and recognize it as satan's attack, it helps us to name it and let it go, asking for protection and help from the LORD. Then we can focus again on the main thing.”
That has really helped me with those empty emotional periods because that is when I am so vulnerable to attack.
I’m not sure if I will make it all three days but I feel clearer and increasingly less broken
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:7-8
This is a good web site for fasting info: http://www.freedomyou.com/
I bought a juicer and had three glasses of fresh juice & about three liters of water. It was a tough day. I had pretty much decided last night that I would be eating today. I resigned myself to the fact that this was way harder then I expected. I told myself this was just a practice run. I will try again next week or next month.
When I woke up this morning I felt pretty good, Kevin and I took a nice long walk and decided to persevere. Right now one day doesn’t seem like enough. I feel like if I quit now I would be missing something, the experience wouldn’t be complete.
It’s a strange thing to deny the flesh especially when most decisions have been driven by fleshly desires. I have found in not eating that I am presented with this empty feeling not just in my belly but emotionally. I see with more clarity the abundance of distractions that I am presented with on a daily basis. I was given some good advice by my Aunt Donna, "don't be unaware of satan's tricks (2 Corinthians 2:11). When we can step back and recognize it as satan's attack, it helps us to name it and let it go, asking for protection and help from the LORD. Then we can focus again on the main thing.”
That has really helped me with those empty emotional periods because that is when I am so vulnerable to attack.
I’m not sure if I will make it all three days but I feel clearer and increasingly less broken
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:7-8
This is a good web site for fasting info: http://www.freedomyou.com/
Monday, November 19, 2007
Fasting
I will begin my first fast 11/23/07.
I plan to do a 3 day water fast, but I may throw in some juice. Kevin had planned to do it for himself so we have decided to do it together. NICE!
What I expect to get out of it:
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
While I was writing tonight after class, I realized I should stop and go to Kevin’s game. I forgot that it was Monday night. When I realized it, I wanted to turn and run. I was not comfortable.
I decided to talk to people so I didn’t feel like such an outsider. Then people started talking to me and I felt like I was a part of the “in-crowd”. Then I realized…….it was ALL so SILLY. Then I felt confident because of who I was and what I stood for. I’m home now and feel even better :)
I plan to do a 3 day water fast, but I may throw in some juice. Kevin had planned to do it for himself so we have decided to do it together. NICE!
What I expect to get out of it:
Increased Self ControlI know I’m expecting a lot, but that’s how I roll :)
A Detoxified Body
A Conversation with God
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
While I was writing tonight after class, I realized I should stop and go to Kevin’s game. I forgot that it was Monday night. When I realized it, I wanted to turn and run. I was not comfortable.
I decided to talk to people so I didn’t feel like such an outsider. Then people started talking to me and I felt like I was a part of the “in-crowd”. Then I realized…….it was ALL so SILLY. Then I felt confident because of who I was and what I stood for. I’m home now and feel even better :)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away!
I have a rule that every blog entry has to end in a verse. I have something that is either on my mind or comes to me while I’m blogging then I do a search on biblegateway.com
I scroll through and pick which ever verse seems appropriate.
On the 3rd in my blogging I felt very discouraged about my relationship with god and even expressed some anger.
On the 7th I didn’t know what to write and I just kept thinking…..I need to really trust God or I will never feel satisfied with our relationship. So I searched biblegateway for “trust” and the verse god gave me was Psalms 32:10.
On the 10th my discouraged feelings were still there and getting worse, turning into anxiety. But I still didn’t give in trust God. I blogged again and when I searched biblegateway, this time it was for “mule” because I was being so stubborn. The verse God gave me was Psalms 32:9.
What the heck! I noticed that it was the verse right before the one in my last entry. Is God trying to tell me something?
Ok you’re not going to believe this, but I still pushed it off.
Last night I was so down, I checked out! I was supposed to go to my apologetic class and didn’t. I just didn’t want to interact with anyone. I kept feeling this nagging and decided I need to read the whole chapter of Psalms 32.
Holy Crap! It was God talking to ME, especially verses 3-5.
I can be so hard headed. I think I'm gonna hang out it the Psalms for awhile.
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic.
Psalm 29:4
I scroll through and pick which ever verse seems appropriate.
On the 3rd in my blogging I felt very discouraged about my relationship with god and even expressed some anger.
On the 7th I didn’t know what to write and I just kept thinking…..I need to really trust God or I will never feel satisfied with our relationship. So I searched biblegateway for “trust” and the verse god gave me was Psalms 32:10.
On the 10th my discouraged feelings were still there and getting worse, turning into anxiety. But I still didn’t give in trust God. I blogged again and when I searched biblegateway, this time it was for “mule” because I was being so stubborn. The verse God gave me was Psalms 32:9.
What the heck! I noticed that it was the verse right before the one in my last entry. Is God trying to tell me something?
Ok you’re not going to believe this, but I still pushed it off.
Last night I was so down, I checked out! I was supposed to go to my apologetic class and didn’t. I just didn’t want to interact with anyone. I kept feeling this nagging and decided I need to read the whole chapter of Psalms 32.
Holy Crap! It was God talking to ME, especially verses 3-5.
I’m definitely feeling better because I see now that what I have been feeling is “his hand HEAVY on me” and “my strength sapped”. I have a long way to go but I trust without doubt now. Now I’m starting to feel pride that I am In the middle of this spiritual battle because it means I am valuable. I’m grateful for all who have been and are praying for me.Psalm 32
1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah 6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. 7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. 10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. 11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!
I can be so hard headed. I think I'm gonna hang out it the Psalms for awhile.
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic.
Psalm 29:4
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I'm just being a mule about it
I’ve been thinking a lot about how honest is too honest, or is there even such a thing as too honest. What types of things are good to share and what you should keep to yourself or between you and another person, or just between you and God.
In our society the ideas of - Be whoever you are, Do whatever you want, There is no right or wrong and Anything is acceptable - are so prevalent.
Things get very cloudy even when I think they are clear. Because of choices I make, sometimes I am vulnerable to delusions, misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Lately I'm aware I’ve been trying to rationalize my choices. I think because over the long term rationalized choices become habits which are much harder to change, so it’s easier to continue to rationalize.
I read this on http://www.gotquestions.org/ and found it to be very insightful.
My Aunt Lisa sent me a link to an article about spending ½ day with god every month it’s really interesting, actually the whole site is interesting.
– check it: http://startingwithgod.com/articles/halfday.htm
Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
Psalm 32:9
In our society the ideas of - Be whoever you are, Do whatever you want, There is no right or wrong and Anything is acceptable - are so prevalent.
Things get very cloudy even when I think they are clear. Because of choices I make, sometimes I am vulnerable to delusions, misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Lately I'm aware I’ve been trying to rationalize my choices. I think because over the long term rationalized choices become habits which are much harder to change, so it’s easier to continue to rationalize.
I read this on http://www.gotquestions.org/ and found it to be very insightful.
Sometimes a good test for whether something is a sin or not is whether you would be proud to tell others what you had just done. If it is something you would be embarrassed or ashamed about if others found out, it is very likely that it is a sin. Another good test is to determine whether we can honestly, in good conscience, ask God to bless and use the particular activity for His own good purposes.I must always use God as my guide and the bible as my instruction manual. I think that God HAS BEEN speaking and I haven’t been listening. God IS working in my life to change me. I'm just being a mule about it.
My Aunt Lisa sent me a link to an article about spending ½ day with god every month it’s really interesting, actually the whole site is interesting.
– check it: http://startingwithgod.com/articles/halfday.htm
Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
Psalm 32:9
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Yeah, I don’t have anything else to say.
I fee like I should write something but I don’t really have anything to say.
I did get some super encouraging words a couple days ago that have increased my faith and inspired me.
Yeah, I don’t have anything else to say.
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Psalm 32:10
I did get some super encouraging words a couple days ago that have increased my faith and inspired me.
Yeah, I don’t have anything else to say.
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Psalm 32:10
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Am I emotionally unavailable to God?
I've recently heard more people talk about this supernatural connection they feel to God. Something miraculous happens and it changes their life forever.
What about the people that don’t experience anything like that, why don’t I feel that? In my apologetic class last Monday night the teacher told a story about his cousin who was living in sadness and trying to find the “thing” that would make his life complete/worthwhile. He looked everywhere, including new age spiritualism, buddhism, even heroin but he finally came to the realization that Jesus Christ was the answer and miraculously he was done with heroin and began evangelizing. The teacher said it was because his cousin broke down and opened himself up to God emotionally.
Am I emotionally unavailable to God? I thought I was trusting him, but lately I think I’ve just been telling myself that and really holding everything in my control. I want to “let go and let god” as they say but I’m finding it difficult. I sometimes feel angry that I am in the middle of this spiritual battle. I keep thinking, I really wish I could find someone who has been where I am and can help lead me, but every time I get that thought I hear the holy spirit tell me, “that friend you are looking for is God, all you have to do is give in” - yet I still holdout. I’ve been discovering I hold out emotions to everyone, even myself.
I’m currently at a loss what to do about it.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Hebrews 11:6
What about the people that don’t experience anything like that, why don’t I feel that? In my apologetic class last Monday night the teacher told a story about his cousin who was living in sadness and trying to find the “thing” that would make his life complete/worthwhile. He looked everywhere, including new age spiritualism, buddhism, even heroin but he finally came to the realization that Jesus Christ was the answer and miraculously he was done with heroin and began evangelizing. The teacher said it was because his cousin broke down and opened himself up to God emotionally.
Am I emotionally unavailable to God? I thought I was trusting him, but lately I think I’ve just been telling myself that and really holding everything in my control. I want to “let go and let god” as they say but I’m finding it difficult. I sometimes feel angry that I am in the middle of this spiritual battle. I keep thinking, I really wish I could find someone who has been where I am and can help lead me, but every time I get that thought I hear the holy spirit tell me, “that friend you are looking for is God, all you have to do is give in” - yet I still holdout. I’ve been discovering I hold out emotions to everyone, even myself.
I’m currently at a loss what to do about it.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Hebrews 11:6
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